| Trapeze |
[Nov. 28th, 2009|09:53 am] |
And oh, yes, Scottini Prizzini, of the Amazing Prizzini Brothers, will be a bit performer on the Trapeze at El Circo Cheapo on 12/5!
Having seen Scottini gotten moderately proficient at the old static trapeze, El Circo Cheapo had no choice but to give into his demands of allowing his class to perform to the songs of Newsies or watch an attack of 1,000 cream pies!
Although claims that things will go well, or he'll take the entire audience with him, most observers believe that doom is nigh:
"Doomed! We are doomed!" Said Robert Hutchinson of the institute of Hyperbole in Chicago's Down Down Down part of town. "One of the Amazing Prizzini Brothers should never be let near a performing show! Does anyone remember the incident at O'Hare? Or when they kidnapped most of the city Council of Chicago? Or when they nearly burned down all of downtown Chicago with the help of the Thistle map? No, no, no! No! No! No! No!"
When President Obama was asked for comment, he replied, "Who?"
If anyone out there can read this, do not go to El Circo Cheapo, at 7 p.m., in Chicago's Warehouse District. Do not go to this link, http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/90546, and buy tickets as soon as possible before things sell out.
Because doom is nigh!
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2009|02:47 pm] |
On the Yankees:
As any follower of this year's baseball will tell you, it would appear that the no-good, evil empire, soul crushing Yankees are on the rise this year. Although they lost last night's match by a score of 7-6, they maintain a 3-2 advantage in the American League Championship series, and are heavily favored to make it into the World Series.
As some of you may know, I have a good Chicago distaste for the Yankees. Even putting aside the inequity of their payroll in regards to teams like the Kansas City Royals -akin to the 19th Century Royal Navy taking on the poor Spanish and French fleets- my bitter feelings towards them are personal. My first girlfriend left me for the social abyss of New York City, and rest assured, I have never forgiven the town for it.
And yet, I find myself rooting for them this year. I hope, that we finish off the Angels this yea, and then proceed to demolish the crum-bum filled Philadelphia Phillies.
Why? Because baseball, as America's best mythological game- one based on legends, myths, and curses- needs its villains. It simply will not do if the Yankees do not win a Championship in decade, which will occur if they fail to win this year and the next. There will be no evil empire to fight if this happens, only a bunch of steroid using buffoons who always manage to lose out when it matters most. (Although in this instance, they would be akin to the Star Wars Empire, at least in the only 3 films that I count.)
I am a fan of the Chicago Cubs, the team the epitomizes losing in a way that no Professional sports team has ever done. We lost in all manners of ways since 1908- We've gotten to the World's Series 7 times- losing all of them, most of the time in comical fashion; we've spent decades, whole decades being laughably bad- there were times in the late '40s and '50s where the Cubs were worse athletes than the grounds screw in opponents parks; we've had a goat curse us- even attempted, several times to have the owner of the Billy Goat Tavern march a goat around and remove the curse; we had the Bartman debacle; and we've paid Milton Bradley tens of millions of dollars.
But one year- just wait for it- we will triumph. And when we do, it will simply not do to have the Yankees in anything but tip top shape. When we defeat that evil empire, when we crush A-Roid and arrogant little Derek Jeter and their two bit mercenaries they bring in every year to pitch a ball ninety feet towards the plate- it will be a fitting ending to this myth. The last shall be first, and the Yankees- that damned miserable empire- will be beaten.
But not this year. This year- I'm rooting for them. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2009|02:30 pm] |
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sick sick sick sleep sleep sleep. |
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| Dodgeball War! |
[Aug. 25th, 2009|06:36 pm] |
The great Dodgeball War continues tonight, at the enemy's court. Glory to the Wicker Park High Tea and Dodgeball Association!
In other news, the statue of our founder is missing from Wicker Park! Good lord! That is correct! The statue in Wicker Park of Charles Wicker has disappeared! Worry not, though folks- Scott Priz, Private Eye out of Hyde Park Chicago is on the case- in the Adventure of the Floundering Founder, or, the Charles Wicker's last adventure! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2009|01:19 pm] |
I should not have cheated at Pub trivia last night skipping over to the bar and discovering where a type of Ale is brewed, and then skipped back, smiling, and saying, I got it, I got it!
I should have done it much more subtly. I just couldn't help myself.
Also, team Hubris won again. The key to victory: Us being awesome. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2009|03:18 pm] |
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Dear Aberdeen St. Dodgeball Ninjas: The members of my organization are getting restless, and are hopped up on Tea. A devlish combination. They have sworn vengeance, of course, against your organization, and need a proper outlet to vent their outrage that have been slung their way. They are demanding, demanding to know why I have not heard back about the date and time of our challenge. They ask, again and again, why I would choose to deal with such morally obtuse organizations such as your who can not respond in a timely fashion to our challenges! They grow angry, angry, angry, and are apt to do things in an ungentlemanly way! Admittedly, I have made a good number of the insults up. When I said that you had called us a "bunch of nample-headed ninnies who couldn't defeat the Italian National Dodgeball Squad", I may have been extrapolating upon what was sent to me in your notes. (I may have also been telling them that your organization was run by French man who were too busy digging up truffles to respond. Fun fact I made up about the Dodgeball Ninjas: Did you know that they were masks because their leader is really Zombie Napoleon, who conceals his decay by pretending to be a Ninja. You should also know that gentlemen despise zombies and we despise ninjas, and we especially despise Zombie Ninjas.) Suffice it to say, unless a dodgeball game is scheduled soon between us, preferably Thursday night at 10, I can not guarantee what these gentlemen will do. Their honor has been insulted, and when that occurs, anything is bound to happen. If you think that your organization's ruffians can not handle the pressure of having your home court invaded by gentlemen, I recommend gathering up a fair number of your ninjas, and come to our court to play on Thursday night. Do try to hide better than you did last week- at first, the commotion you ninjas made suggested that I was dealing with The Lincoln Park Pirates! (Oh, they are truly a band ruffians and rascals! Although not terrible good at traditional dodgeball, what they lack in skills they make up for in cheating and pistols.) Come, come, come if you dare, we'll not hide in the shadows. We await your response. Know that the Wicker Park High Tea and Dodgeball Association stands ready to meet any challenge! S. Montgomery Priz,
English Explorer Extraordinaire
President of The Wicker Park High Tea and Dodgeball Association |
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| A wonder! |
[Aug. 9th, 2009|08:51 pm] |
Searching the Chicago Tribune's excellent archives through the CPL, I found a page full of Bathhouse John's poem.
(The Bath was an infamous alderman around the turn of the 20th. Who would often read poems like the one I'm about to give to you.
I present an Ode to a Bathtub:
Some find enjoyment in travel, others in kodaking views;
Some take to automobilling in order themselves to amuse.
But for me there is only one pleasure, although you may call me a dub
There's nothing in my mind that can equal a dip in a porcelain tub.
Some go to ball games for pleasure, others go bobbing for eels;
Some find delight making money, especially in real estate deals.
I care not for ball games or fishing, or money unless to buy grub,
But I'd walk forty miles before breakfast to roll in the porcelain tub.
Some take a trolley to Hammond, others the boat to St. Joe;
Some can find sport on the golf links with mashies and foosie, I trow.
The trolley and boat and the golf links are not one, two, aine with a rub:
What in the world is finer than a dip in a porcelain tub?
Some run a dairy for pleasure, others a violet farm;
Some turn their heads to bookbinding, and may it be life's dearest charm.
But for dairies or sweet accepted posies, or old books I care not a nub;
pass them all up, thank you kindly, for the little porcelain tub. |
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| War! |
[Aug. 7th, 2009|01:30 pm] |
As you know, earlier this week I sent a message out to the so-called Aberdeen St. Dodgeball Ninjas challenging them to a proper Dodgeball War.
I am pleased to say- they have accepted my challenge.
Last night, the Wicker Park High Tea and Dodgeball Association was having it's weekly meeting at our secret dodgeball fortress.
In the middle of a good dodgeball game, an alarum rang out! Ninjas, approaching from south, creeping towards the fortress! Being proper Englishmen, the Association spotted them with ease, and we gathered our rubberized desctro-balls to prepare for an assault! I led a brief scouting expedition into their lines, and winged one of them with my trusty red dodgeball. I returned to center court, where our lines were formed, and awaited their response.
They came onto the center of the court, and I demanded to speak to their leader. Instead of talking the cowardly ninjas handed me a large note, and then scampered off into the darkness.
Here is the full text of the note, reproduced for your reading pleasure:
"6 August 2009
Attention Mssr S. Montgomery Priz and the Wicker Park High Tea and Dodgeball Association:
We are in receipt of your communication, and herein, our response in kind.
WHEREAS, you have labeled us your rivals and there are numerous disagreement in regards to the appellation.
WHEREAS, upon the question of rivarly, for there to be a rivalry you would have to be equals. While you are a gentleman, you are certainly not equal in skill.
WHEREAS, rivalry implies the possession of an object or title. In this case, it is dodgeball supremacy in the City of Chicago. We are unaware that we had reliquinshed or conceded this to any many, group of men or other such collections of craven usurpers. Our reign is absolute, our skills are unquestioned, and the hands by which our dodgeball fury is dealt, are swift and strong.
WHEREAS, let it not be said that we are not magnanimous, and do not contribute to the charity of our fair city. We shall entertain your challenge. Please grant us some time in determining who our best players are. We have never categorized our individual skill levels, because we are the best players, and it is counterproductive to assign values after a certain skill level has been mastered. Henceforth, we do encourage you to strive for the best. We are inspired and heartened by the obstacles and special needs you have overcome to become proficient in dodgeball.
WHEREAS, regarding the Rules and Regulations of play. You claim to play by "proper British rules". This is the new world gentlemen, where crown loyalty, surreptitious buggery and your style of play has become obsolete. Your affection for all of the preceding is noted, and we understand that perhaps our method of Dodgeball is too revolutionary and dynamic for some tea parties. We offer that a comprimise be reached on the rules.
WHEREAS, our annual, nationally recognized comes with a price, our twice weekly gatherings are without cost. We are not pirates who seek to attract nancies and foppish dilettantes (like yourselves) to be lured in as ripe victims, shanghaied and made into common concubines. If you are more comfortable being prey to those sorts of aberrant buccaneers, that is how you live your lives.
WHEREAS, you feel dodgeball is meant to be played with high tea and crackers. Were we from your surroundings, with your latte shops, pet grooming facilities, skinny jeans, shemaghs worn inappropriately as scarves, and "ironic" t-shirts, we may also pretend that Pabst Blue Ribbon tastes good and that any obscure band is genius in direct proportion to their obscurity. In short, you feel dodgeball is meant to be played.
Dodgeball is not a game. Dodgeball is a way of life. Whereas you make you comfortable game in the posh, hip area of Wicker Park, we have hones our craft to lethal precision on the South Side. There is no question that our geographic region of the city is more downtrodden, and we might ass, statistically more violent. These socio-economic factors do not produce dodgeball players. Nay, they produce dodgeball warriors, and because we must cultivate our skills at night, they have become ninjas. We roam the streets under cloak of darkness, letting fly our spheres of vulcanized rubber death.
However, dodgeball is not our only skill. We are also the most stealthy bakers amongst the dodgeball organizations. And as a noble gesture, we offer bakes confections at the conclusion of the challenge to celebrate your bravery in challenging our clan. We ask a courtesy only that you provide the beverage.
We await your response to discuss the parameters of our match.
Aberdeen Steet Dodgeball Ninjas"
Well, that was their full letter. It is full of colonial foolishness, and an apparent belief that playing in the South Loop makes you a real South Sider. Oh, imagine they'll be marching in the St. Patrick's Day parade and throwing up gang signs in Englewood any day now!
I will be responding on their next game, at 10 p.m., likely this Tuesday, in a Tuxedo and top hat. Any Wicker Parker is welcome to join me.
God Save the Queen, and her loyal Servant, S. Montgomery Priz, E.E.E.!!! |
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| Lovely weekend! |
[Jul. 27th, 2009|12:40 pm] |
Had a fantastical weekend with my old friend Andrea, who is in town for a long weekend. Went out drinking and to Clarke's on Friday, to bughosue Square on Saturday, where I heckled the preacher from Moody Bible institute to the point of being heckled back by his followers whom he had packed the Square with. His topic was "Why all honest historians must accept the fact that Jesus Christ was reserected.
Example heckles from me:
"That's a secondary source, you jackass!"
"The gospel of John was written in 90 A.D., you idiot."
"You're a God Damned liar, and a miserable historian!"
I refrained, however, from telling my favorite Jesus joke, which would have ended badly.
Also, I have a twitter account, called amazingprizzini . It will recount my drunken activites, and the general activities of the amazing prizzini brothers.
Had high tea yesterday at the drake, then bought books, and watched Caprica and the first couple episodes of Mad Men. It's good, and they have such lovely fedoras!
Ahem. Tonight, I go to pub trivia at Chief O'Neals. |
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| Trapeze! |
[Jul. 22nd, 2009|10:51 am] |
So, last night, as usual on Tuesdays, I had Traaaaapeze class at the aloft loft.
This is my 15th class on Tuesday nights.
For just about as long as I'd been taking classes, there has been one trick that has slipped out of my grasp: the dangerous gazelle trick!
As veteran Scott watchers will know, I was known as the Gallupping Gazelle back in college, for my habits of running in a loony fashion.
As such, I have wanted to do this trick for a long time. Unfortunately, it takes a a lot of stretching flexibility in your legs to pull off. Which is not my strong suit, especially when compared to the rest of the "We can all do the splits" class.
The trick goes like this. You're sitting on the bar, and you put the trapeze bar, most uncomfortably, in the middle of your posterior. You slide to, say, the right side of the bar, and extend your left leg out, straight, towards the left rope. You keep your legs in front of the bar, while your upper body is behind it.
You then fall sideways, folding your right leg in to catch the right rope. (Pull it in tight with your arms, you fool!)
If you catch the right rope high up enough with your thigh, you'll be secure on the trapeze, hanging only by your legs. You can then hang upside down, and dangle your arms in a most artistic fashion!
So, I finally had the flexibility to do this one last night. And it was pretty, and my class applauded.
Now, this trick leads to a few more tricks, which I have yet to do. You can go into the splits, and then, twist the trapeze bar around, and go into the unicorn. From there, you can twist again, and go into yet another trick, held up by the ropes wrapped tightly around your body!
I haven't done those yet. But I will, methinks. |
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| trapeeeeze |
[Jul. 21st, 2009|07:03 pm] |
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Time for trapeeeeeeze! Letsa go, Scottini Prizzini! Time to tell a dirty joke while on the old bar! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|08:59 pm] |
I rather like how this girl styles herself- claiming to be from the Kimball Stop Clan and all that.
I am lucky that I can match her in made up titles. |
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| More trapeze |
[Jul. 1st, 2009|02:09 pm] |
Hey y'all:
I know it seems like all I post is stories of trapeze and my High tea and Dodgeball Association, but, hell with it, that's what I likes. (That, and my dog.)
Had a lovely trapeze class last night. Although it was rough early, due to achy hips, the last third of class was dedicated to working up a little routine to show everyone.
And after messing up the "stand on the trapeze, spin around the rope to go to sitting trick.", I decided to make it my last trick of the night. After fiive or so tricks, including the rather elegant side standing balance trick, I pulled it off, and almost gracefully!
It made me feel full of grace today, in fact!
In other news, I've decided to take the High Tea group to another level, and am making tea and finger sandwiches before dodgeball before the next round of dodgeball. I can't exactly explain why I'm doing this, except to say it sounds like fun. (and I really rather like finger sandwiches.)
But....there will be tasty sandwiches, and if you'd like your weekly dose of silliness, and you happen to be in Chicago, you should come to our secret headquarters on Bosworth st., near Ashland and Division. |
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| High tea! |
[Jun. 26th, 2009|04:04 pm] |
Last night, at dodgeball, I decided that it was time to bring back High tea to the Wicker Park High Tea and Dodgeball Assoc. (Tea had not been serves since 1989, when Mare' Daley's campaign succeeded in disbanding the group for over twenty years.)
It was a smashing success. But wait, you may be asking. What is the Wicker Park High Tea and Dodgeball Assoc.?
Well, I have a link for you that will answer all of your questions. Our dear historian, Leonard Doohan, is busy compiling the history of the group. But their new website can be found here
So, the tea was such a lovely success, next Thursday, I'm going to bring finger sandwiches, and we'll have a proper tea party.
God Save The Queen, and her loyal servant, S. Montgomery Priz, English Explorer Extraordinaire!
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2009|10:53 am] |
Recently, in my picnic basket of memories, I discovered something new, something even I did not remember was placed there. A small, brown diary, with the simple first page title of, "The Experiences of the Amazing Prizzini Brothers."
Most of the entries are from Grichini and Chickini, and are filled with various exploits of causing mischief and mayhem.
But there are a few entries, written in a steady hand, that I believe are written by the silent Prizzini Brother, Hippini Prizzini, and I'm going to share one of them with you now.
"I think the reason that no one believes in us is the longevity of our actions. Thousands of years of mischief is simply impossible for anyone to believe! And whenever I tell anyone the secret to such a long life, no one ever believes me. So, dear diary, I will now tell you, as it is not in your nature to believe or disbelieve, simply record for others to do as they like.
The secret is of course, love. Now, it's not particularly easy to love for five years, ten years, or fifty years- genuinely love them, not merely tolerate or become codependent on another. I've managed to love a woman for...I no longer have the memory to count how many years I have loved her, and she has been away from me for nearly all of them.
But if you want to live forever, the you must do the trickiest thing anyone can do: You must care. It's tricky enough that there are only four of us around from our time, and the people we cared for couldn't do it in return, so they are gone.
But we hang on, dear diary, because we don't know what else to do."
Very strange creatures, these Prizzini Brothers. |
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| Iran! |
[Jun. 15th, 2009|12:34 pm] |
I find my heart with Iranian protestors (revolutionaries? Not yet.)
I am heartened by the response of them to this blatent, appalling cheating on the already rigged system by the hard right of Iran. The current President reminds me of President Bush- beligarent, popular in the rural areas, a fool in economics, and a dangerous blowhard in foreign policy areas.
I am also terrified of what the Iranian establishment will do when faced with something resembling an insurgency. I don't know enough about this business to predict what will happen- does anyone? My mind just says sometimes the good guys come out on top like in Poland at the end of the '80s, and sometimes things end up like 1848. Or 1873. Or 1989. Or...
Never mind. Sometimes these things work out, sometimes they don't. I have my hopes up. And my fears. If the people lose this fight, I think the republic will fall out from the title of the Islamic Republic of Iran.
Or maybe it'll just a simple Republic. One can hope, no? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2009|01:56 pm] |
if anyone knows anyone that they recommend as a roommate on September 1st, a certain boy and his dog are looking for one, and you should drop me a line.
Either that, or it's back to the old studio apartment for me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2009|12:21 pm] |
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It's Atticus's birthday! Hurrah! Hurrah! he's 2, and the sweetest puppy in the world! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2009|01:59 am] |
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Home at last! Hurrah! |
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| trapeze! |
[Jun. 3rd, 2009|10:45 am] |
On the other hand, I had a lovely trapeze class yesterday night. It was the final class of my first 8 week course. (I will be taking another 8 week course. I am mighty!)
But it also means that I survived a trapeze class, which is great. The one thing about dangling trapeze is that any part of your body that you balance or dangle from, generally ends up sore the next day. Last night, I learned how to do front balances. That's where you swing yourself up, and catch the trapeze bar with your pelvic area. (Do not shoot a few inches too low if you are male, as I learned two weeks ago.)
Then, as you are bent over the bar, you raise your legs, and arch your back. Congratulations, you are somehow balancing everything on your waist.
You can do one of two things at this point, only one of which I learned. The first, what I learned, is fall over forward while spreading your legs. You fall over the bar, and catch the ropes upside down with your spread legs, and are caught and dangling in a catcher's hang, as it's known.
The other thing you can do, which I am only one step away from doing, is keeping your legs straight as you fall forward from the bar. your momentum will carry you all the way around, and you will begin spinning around the trapeze bar.
Obviously, I can't wait to learn this trick. I love the spinning tricks, and they're the ones I want to develop my trapeze-mime bit around.
Ahem. But that's in the future, I reckon'. Becuase I'm taking another 8 week course. Good golly, Miss Molly, I like it. |
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