A few years ago, the game ended in a tie because they use dup all the players. Then, Bud Selig declared, no more ties! This game counts! Never again shall we tie!

Now, they are running out of pitchers. If the game goes as long as that other one, Bud Selig will have to declare a tie because they ran out of players. But how will they decide the home field advantage in the w.s.? I'm thinking- hot dog eating contest between Bobby Janks and C.C. Sabathis. (For those non baseball fans, those two players are fatty fatty fatty and play for teams I dislike. Therefore, I shall say they are fatty fatty fatty and can eat lots of hot dogs.)

And, oh look, the A.L. hs a man on third, one out. All they need to do is sacrifice, they win, and the cubs, should they make it to the W.S., woud lose home field advantage despite the fact that they have no players left in this game.

Well, a hell of a play by the third baseman. Too bad the ball was foul. it's all right, because the pitcher struck him out. Two outs, and the sacrifice is out of the question. Now a man named Justin Moreau will be int. walked to...bring another all-star to the plate. Not only that, it will bring to bat the A.L> batting average leader. Not too bright, according to the announcers.

He's also a Texas Ranger, who I dislike, because George W. Bush used to own them and made his fortune from a publically financed stadium deal. Dubya really wanted to be baseball comisionner. Some have suggested that this would've saved America his presidency. I suggest that he woul have destroyed the American pastime as quickly as expanded the national debt. Also, the easiest way to avoid having him as President: don't elect him twice

Oh, look. The A.L. messed up, and we go to the 13th, and the potential for tie game is at around 30% right now. Also, there is a group of middle aged men singing about viva Viagra i a commerical. They seem really happy, and really gay. Does Viagra turn you gay? That's what I'm getting out ofthis All-Star game. And you're getting this live-blog. 

A new Yorker is at bat for the N.L.  I may be rooting for the N.L., but I always root against New Yorkers.  I hope for a hit by pitch that ends the gentleman's season.  I got a shattered bat blooper that falls for a hit.  Maybe he can tear his groan on the way to second base.

A man named Cristian Guzman is up.  He may bunt.  I love bunts, especially by all-stars.  Whenever does the clean-up hitter for all-star have to bunt?  

Tonight, that's when.  

Yay!  The New Yorker is out on a failed sacrifice attempt!  Hurrah!  Go back the Shea Stadium, and may it collapse on your head.

Did I mention I despise New York?  It's on my list of cities not to travel to, along with the continent of South America.  (I don't really know what country Tortilla is from.  I think it's slimy-masculinia.  Can't be sure- plus, I can be reasonably certain thatI won't be kidnapped by marxists, which would not be the case if I travelled to Columbia.)

Somebody named Heart strikes out.  The A.L. is down to the current pitcher, and one other guy.  The other guy pitches for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, who are a half ame behind the no-good Boston Red Sox, whose manager is in charge of the A.L. team.

So far, that manager has avoided using him, because the Devil Ray is tired.  But...he'll be forced to eventually.  And then, Bud Selig will call a draw.  

Except, a Cubs reliever is warming up.  Guy by the name of carlos Marmol.  He was awesome during the first part of the season, and is now awful.  I think he's coming in, and will shortly self destruct, and end the game.

Commercials for Fox's shows.  Man, family guy looks lame.  Actually, all their shows do.  Evne Prison Break looks like a sad retread of the past seasons, and some supernatural show seems like the X-files times lame.  (A technical formula, first developed under Enrico fermi at the old U of C.)

On the brighter side of things, Yankee Stadium is being demolished.  No more will we have to hear about the ghosts of Ruth and Gherig and Berra and Capone.  Soon we'll only hear of the ghosts of all the people that were buried during construction by the mob.

Oh good. Marmol is in.  Hey, he gets an out.  Only because the runner is so God damn slow.  Sllllow.  The guy was thrown out at the plate back in the 10th because he is fat.  Almost as fat as C.C. Sabathia, although no one outside of former Stepfathers of mine come close to being as fat as Bobby Jenks.

One nice thing about going into extra innings is that they run out of extra players, and everybody stays in.  I guess I just like everybody batting that didn't start getting to bat like seven times.

Also, sweet Jesus.  The second basement for the N.L. has made 3 errors.  He seems sleepy.  Maybe he should take Viagra and be happy and gay.  Pus, he's surrounded by men, so the clubhouse coul really get fun.

Although fox would probably have to cut away.  it would be as destructive to our national pasttime as a commisionership of Dubya.  No, really- Hockey would be more poular now.

Fucking Hockey.  Although they are going to play an outdoor game at Wrigley over winter, which should be awesome.

And marmol goes 3-2 to the third batter, with a runner on first due to error.  And the announcer just said the best defense they've ever seen.  

They apparently have forgotten that the second basemen has made three errors.  Although they ahve been a lot of plays at the plate to save the N.L.'s ass.  

And the no-good, baby eating White Sox player, Carlos Quintin, is at bat.  Did I mention that he's from slimy-masculinia?  God, he's going to knock in the run against Noble marmol.  1-2, after a foul and a nasty pitch from marmol.

We're doomed.  of course we're doomed.  There's a Cubs pitcher at there.

Ha!  Struck him out!  And the chance of a draw has gone up to 40%!  I say, two more innings, and Selig calls it.  Or makes a announcement that they can reinstate pitchers.  Hey, he's the commissioner.  He can do things like that.  

More crappy commercials for fox shows.  Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla.  

In the meantime, here's a list, in order of hatred; of teams I despise:

1.  The God damned Chicago White Sox.  Filled with bums and lowlifes in the dugout, to match their fans, they are what is wrong with America.  Fat assholes.
2.  The Ny yankees- their fans as nearly as evil as the the white sox.  And they're arrogant as all fucking New Yorkers, the bastards.  Plus, they always win because they sold their souls to the devil
3.  New York Mets- Fucking New York
4.  St. Louis Cardinels- Our natural rivals, who are constantly drunk yet winning.  (no really.  They keep losing players and managers to DUIS/death in drunken accidents.  Sad, but that's the atmosphere their manager cultivates.)  Also, the brock trade, and the fact that they have Pujols.

It sorta tapers off after that.  I guess I dislike the red sox, but now that they've won, they don't share our curse.  But now they're assholes, but they'll never be as evil  as the yankees.  Think of them as second rate New York Yankee Massholes.

oh, the game.  the N.L. goe quickly in the 12th, with two deep fly balls to right to start it, and a grounder ends the top of the 12th. Onward we go.  Will the game end before my batter dies?  Hmmm..I have 45 minutes left.  Likely.  If for no reason that Bug Selig will end it.

A ford commercial earlier tonight claimed they were as good as Toyota.  That's the best their advertising department could do?  And it's likely not true.

And American's are obsessed with gas prices.  Car dealers are giving gas deals on their miserable S.U.V.'s, and news folks ahve web-sites devoted to finding the cheapest gas.  Is it really that hard to find the cheap station in the area, and then use them?  And will 10 cents a gallon really matter?  That's a dolalr savings for me, although I guess if you have an S.U.V., you suburban white sox fan, you, you need all the help you can get.

A.L. up to bat.  Somebody lines out to Tejada, a juicer who was traded, then suspended at the start of the ear. Now he's an all-star.  Message, kiddies:  Do drugs.  The more the merrier, and you too can make it to Yankee Stadium.  Only, do them fast, because God Awful New Yorkers have demanded a new stadium next year.  But nothin' grows muscles faster than steroids!

A Mr. Sizemore,which is a great name for a steriod user ( I have no idea about Sizemore).  2 outs now, and a rookie at bat.  Hmm, my computer is saying I'm going to die soon. Or maybe it will die soon. I should find out who it's talking about.  Stupid extra innings.

And Evan Longoria, who doesn't star in desperate housewives (I just learned that!) strikes ou, leading us to the...fifteenth inning?  And you fucking kidding me?  All right, all right.  It's only 1:19, Scott, and you got two cups of coffee in you at 8 o clock this evening, which was supposed to be used to write a scene in God Awful Bridgeport, but instead was spent watching many many innings of...well, baseball.  

And the lap top is plugged in.  The music they have playing is super lame it's like that "I loved her first" song.  Fuck that song.  That song means nothing.  Whot eh fuck cares if you loved her first?

Ahem.  Back to baseball.  Fuck New York.

The N.L. starts the 15th with a strikeout.  And the pitcher for the devil rays is pitching, who is the last pitcher for the A.L.  the announcers are babbling about how he has a limited amount of pitches, and then, that's it.  Will the A.L> Manager forfeit the game?

What an exciting ending that would be.  I bet those God Damn New Yorkers would fucking hate it.  The last All-Star game in the house Ruth built, forfeited by a Red Sox Manager. Goodness, yes.  I would like that very much.

the next N.L. guy flies out.  

Ooooh.  the Fox sideline guy has text messaged the manager of the devil rays.  really?  That's reporting, you, not so young, no so hip, likely asshole New Yorker?

Oh, and the N.L. guy is nearly hit by a pitch.

I wonder what cockimany solution they'll make if this game ends in a tie.  I think they'll allow pitchers to renter the game if it goes into extras.  

Damn it, Derrick jeter is smiling.  Can't baby Jesus make those muscles not work?  Or can't Jeter take enough ectasy so that he burns out his seratonin receptors and can never feel happiness again?

the N.L. guy grounds out to first.  to the bottom of the 15th, and the march to a tie soldiers on.  Now, at 65%.

Man, the New Yorkers are going to pelt Bud Selig with pretzels if he goes out there and calls the game.

"This one counts!"  Yeah, this one counts as a tie.

If this goes to the 19th, they'll have played 2 baseball games.  Bonus all star game, between two very tired teams.

If the A.L. can't score here, I think they'll call it.  he Red Sox Manager is playing the gentleman, and doesn't want to use up his opponents pitcher.

Also, pitchers are hiny today.  Almsot as whiny as commentator who complain about their whininess.

A.L. up to bat in the 15th.  N.L.'s down to their last pitcher, too.  lead guy for the A.L. hits a single.  

There's a man named uggla who plays for one of the teams.  I forget, but I suspect he was made fun of for that name.   Then again, he became a professional baseball player, and likely new how to use a bat.  Perhaps he just tormented his classmates with his bat wielding skills.  That's what I would've done.

The left fielder makes a nice catch.  One out.  One on.  One Scott.  One puppy.  

One strike now.  The fat devil ray is at bat.  He is glad he'll never be the lead runner.  

A single, lead running goes to second.  Two on, one out.  Had the lead runner tried to go to third, he wold've been out.  J.D. Drew up to bat.   I hate people who go by the initials J.D.  I bet they're all new Yorkers.

Jesus Dyke, as he's known swings at a pitch.  Misses.  1-1 count on him.  2-1 after a ball.  Some man named Ranger on deck.  Check that, he plays for the rangers, whom I hate.  Whoops, left them off my hate list.  I'd sorta like them, because Sammy Sosa played for them, if not for the whole owned by Dubya thing.  3-2 count now.  2more outs and Selig calls it, I call.

Fouledaway.  Jackie Douche fouls one off.  3-2 still.  Still 3-2.  Still 3-2.  Now, 4-2.  Which loads the bases for that no good white sox player, carlos quantum.  

Here we go!  

No, wait.  Ranger man is up.  Pops it up!

Right fielder throws it in!  The runner slides in....he slides in, and the tag comes!

Damn it, I lost the feed.  Oh well, it's late, and I'm sure someone else is reporting on this.  Hmm.  My puppy is eating the couch.  Bad puppy!  Cute puppy!  Cute Puppy!  Snuggly puppy!

Pupppppy!

This just in:  someone one the game.  I think it was the Eastern Division.  Are the Cubs still in the east?  I think so.  

Well, that's all from me.  No Joy in Mudville, and no staying up the MVP selection, because they're just going to choose Jezebel dummy.  

To sum up:  someone won, New York is an Damnable city full of Damnable people, and my puppy is cute.